Saturday, July 24, 2010

Hooked or Hooker?

I kept wondering why my second date kept asking if I'd left anything in the room. "No" I said. "Are you sure", "yep, positive". "Really sure?" "Yes", starting to wonder, looking at my purse next to me. We said goodbye outside and left me the key. I said I would get some water for my car and leave the key in the room and he left. I was opening my hood when he came back, went in and got the water for me and asked again if I'd left anything. Strange, I thought. He had said earlier, when we were at the bar, in a joking way that he was a cop but said in a serious way he did (this) for (this company). I bet he'd left money in the room, lol. If he was going to bust me for prostitution he wouldn't have done me first, would he? Funny! I emailed him when I got home and thanked him for helping with my car and making me weak in the knees and he never emailed back. Well, that's just impolite. ;-)

Again, just warning anyone out there who's reading this because they're thinking about doing what I'm doing.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Why People Cheat

The charmer and I sent pics back and forth but wanted to step it up a notch. I put on the nightie (very pretty lace with nothing underneath) I bought for my wedding night, set the timer and clicked away. He said "very, very beautiful (my name)". Know what my hubby said on our wedding night? "You look like a doily". I'm serious. Anyway, after around 160 emails and a few phone calls I think I caught him in some lies so I ended it last night before we ever met. I was afraid of how I was getting too, like a lab rat running for the heroine and ignoring the water, I kept running to my computer to see what sweet thing he said to me, not getting things done I wanted to do, and drinking and smoking too much because I was so wound up. He knew exactly what I wanted to hear and I was hooked. I didn't confront him with the lies but instead played the "it's not you it's me" card. It was really harder then I thought and as usual, he was so sweet about it though he tried to talk me out of it at first. He said he was always there if I ever change my mind and went away gracefully. I know I did the right thing but I'm starting to cry so moving on...

I wasn't going to see married men but I figured as long as they aren't planning to change their marital status it would deter a serious relationship and I'd feel like a hypocrite since I'm legally married if I judged them (for lack of a better word). I'm definitely taking a break from serious relationships, maybe forever. Research shows that most men who cheat on their wives don't do it because the other woman is prettier, younger, or thinner, they do it because of the way the other woman makes them feel. If you tell him and show him he's special he'll most likely never give "me" a second glance. Men, same goes for you. The ones I've talked to stay married because of kids or they love and get along with their wives, there's just no sex.

My "ex" hubby's brain is deteriorating even more from the alcohol or he's had a mini stroke. I swear I wish I could help him. It's not looking like we'll be room mates for the rest of our lives.

I'm seeing the first guy again in a couple of days. In our emails setting up our next date, I basically told him I'm capable of multiple orgasms and he said I can cum as many times as I want, he can cum around three times. Cool!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

So Turned On

I have never been this turned on in my entire life. I'm literally shaking. He says I'm beautiful and sexy and he can't wait to hold me tight and make love to me over and over and over!

I'm actually glad it'll be a week in a way. I need to get plenty of good cardio workouts in and take better care of myself.

So far we have fifty one emails back and forth and I'll call him tonight.

Alright, signing off of here for a week or so. Be careful out there!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Third Time is a Charmer

The one who wants to be friends too is amazing. At first our emails to each other were a little goofy and light but that has changed dramatically. He is so super sweet and sexy! I didn't call him yesterday, but emailed to ask when would be a good time to call tomorrow. He told me, I did and he sounds perfect, very well spoken without being stiff or fake. He seems so cool, cool enough for me to wait a week and not even talk with any other guys who answered the ad. The main thing that put him behind in priority was he didn't sent a pic right away, even after I did. This was never a beauty contest but I wanted someone to know if one sends a pic the other sends one right back, common courtesy. He apologized, said he forgot, and sent one. He's very different looking, can't really describe without going into detail, but it works for me. :-)

I feel I must tell you all, the first two had their downsides. They were a little rough at times which was OK with me because I was actually being touched and not criticized. Endorphins are stronger pain killers then morphine. I'm OK, really fine, just wanted to put a warning out for people who are thinking about doing what I've done.

Ooo, just got another email from the sweetheart, be back in a bit.

Sexy, white hot emails, two of them so I replied and ex came in.

Take care. See you soon!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Stood on a Mountain Top

Mmm, another wonderful knight. This one is married, the last one wasn't. I almost feel a tinge of guilt but not much, married people need some lovin' too. If I hadn't posted my ad he would've found someone else.

Have you ever stood on a mountain top, looked down breathlessly below at beautiful, raw nature and thought "I have to imprint this in my mind so I can see it in memories forever"? I have, and tonight I did just that again. Looking at his amazing naked body was breath taking. I wished I could take a picture. He liked my legs, they are almost freakishly long. He really had a good sense of humor too, pillow talk after was hilarious! The first knight was gorgeous too, don't know how I got this lucky. Maybe God thinks I've been through enough hell for now.

I told hubby yesterday I didn't know he was off work today so I had a date. He didn't have a problem with it. He was passed out, as usual, while I was getting ready and I couldn't wait to get out of the house. He told me to "be careful" on my way out and I said I would. He gave me a big hug before he went to bed and said "you're my bestest (not a typo) friend" and I said "you're mine too". I'm not completely positive but I think I'm having my cake and eating it too.

Speaking of friends, friends with benefits, I'm doing a bang up job at getting the benefits but there is one guy who does seem to want to be friends too. I haven't met him yet but will in a little over a week. He's so nice and a little bit goofy in emails and we have exchanged cell numbers too though I haven't talked with him yet. I think I'll call him tomorrow just to say hi. Of course I'll let you know how that goes.

Sex addiction - oh my gosh, I can understand it. This feeling, afterward too, is like joy that is so relaxing and peaceful. And no hangover!

The one thing I'm not sure about is if most women are finished after one orgasm. I'm not but the guys seem to think I would be. I think most guys are finished after one but after about half hour they can go again right? (I'm still here, naked, touching you) isn't a clear sign that I want to go again is it? Will be more verbal next time. :-) The most orgasms I've had in one round was seven, and yes I thought I was going to die but was absolutely fine with that. Seriously, I needed water and barely had the energy to drink. That was eleven years ago and the guy and I had different paths to take, wanted different things, and I was the one to break it off. I found his social networking page not long ago and he has everything he wanted including a beautiful family, well done! By the way, during the big seven, we had music on and one of the songs that played was Slow Ride by Sublime. I still listen to that song now and again, and again, and again, and...

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Marrital Abuse Can Be So Insidious

You don't really know how bad it is until you get away from it. Then, as usual, hind sight is 20 20.

I told ex everything I did and read him the ad. He said "cool". I'm so happy he's happy for me! Of course it doesn't really matter but we do want to stay room mates and BFFs so it's good.

Update, I just walked into the room he was in and he said "it's good to see you alive again"! I swear, why'd he kill me? Stupid man. Man, I feel like a woman!

My Craigslist Ad

OK, you talked me into it, well not really. ;-) This was my ad:

(title) Looking for a SWM or MWM FwB 36-49 Years Old

Hi guys!

I'll tell you who I'm looking for first and why so I don't waste your time then will tell you a little about me, K?

Other then what's in the title, I'm looking for someone who's easy going, polite, considerate, honest, has a sense of humor, drug free, fairly well endowed, and at least 6' tall with proportional weight. I like the blue jean tee shirt type as long as there aren't any holes in them, you're clean, and don't have a mustache and/or beard. After exchanging pics and a few emails and we agree we'd like to meet, it would be in a casual bar, restaurant, or coffee shop in (edit - my city) and if we find we have chemistry we could drive separately to a motel / hotel, go in together and you would pay for the room and use a condom you brought. Why all that? If you're a sociopath who would like to get a lady alone to hold hostage or be violent toward in any way you've probably already stopped reading. If you have no vehicle or income you've already stopped reading and won't be after mine. I'm not after yours. If you aren't prepared with condoms you're either crazy or incapable of thinking ahead. (Edit - my city) because it's close to me and my car needs a tune up. Will try and get that done next week and if there's a next time I can drive to where you are. :-)

I have the same characteristics I'm looking for in a man but not quite as tall. I'm intelligent but simple. I smoke around a half a pack of cigarettes per day but nothing else. I like beer and wine but don't drink every day. I am legally married but my husband and I consider ourselves divorced and expect each other to date other people. We don't date each other or have an intimate relationship but we still live together. I'll be happy to tell you why we're still married in an email if you want to know (it's not for a green card, I am American). If you're married, I completely, seriously, understand what a bad marriage is so I absolutely don't blame or disrespect you for stepping out for a little joy. No questions asked, tell me about it if you want to. Your secrets are safe with me.

If you fit the description above, agree that it's a good plan (it's not negotiable), are interested in me, and have no intentions of trying to change my mind then I'd like to be your soft place to land after a hard day, or any day. Please reply with "a good plan" in the subject line.

Thank you for reading! :-)

Men seem to like when we tell them what we want, unless they're an ol' drunk like mine, ooo, my ex!

The whole time I was debating with myself to do it or not this song kept playing in my head - Tracy Chapman's Fast Car
This line especially - "...leave tonight or live and die this way". But there's so much I can relate to in that song, just in a different ways. Like -"I know things will get better" ... "You see my old man's got a problem he live with the bottle that's the way it is" ... "And finally see what it means to be living" ... "And I had a feeling that I belonged and I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone". And I did, I feel like I'm someone, ah.

Ah, Sweet Relief

I posted an ad on Craigslist last Friday (day before yesterday). Got lots of responses but had a great feeling about one in particular. My ad got flagged and removed 3.5 hours after it went up which was great because I had plenty of replies already. If you'd like to see it I'll post it here, just ask. Anyway, we emailed back and forth quite a bit and set the date for today at 3:00. He did everything right, wow, and oh my gosh I feel human again after six years of feeling mostly contempt and sorrow. Or maybe I feel like softened butter and I like it. Thank you God!

I keep shaking my head because I can still smell his cologne in my hair, mmm. Don't want to wash this man right out of my hair! :-)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Finally Divorced! (sort of)

Hip, hip, hooray! Ex-hubby surprised me with a piece of paper on Independence Day that he had already signed and dated and then I signed it too. We didn't get it notarized though, it was almost midnight. I loved the idea to do it on Independence Day!

Thank God this six year long nightmare is over. Onward and upward! :-)